Of course, they're polite. You're in the South.
Oh, you'll love it there! People are so nice! They say
"please" and "thank you." And we all know how you feel
about that. *smirk
-___- Things people
said to me when I landed a job in Texas.
Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize that it was your place on
the map that was keeping you from being a nice person. -__-
Call me naivë, but I didn't know that manners were limited
to a geographical location. I am genuinely curious about this now. At which
borders do people stop being nice to one another? Stop holding doors? Stop
saying "please" and "thank you"? Acknowledging each other's strengths? Knowing that they don't diminish one's own? Is it the west Texas
border? Does gratitude seep through to New Mexico? Go as far as
Arizona? I must have missed that during geography class.
Or maybe I just don't think that there's an acceptable
excuse for not saying "thank you" when someone does something for you.
Maybe it's because I was raised to be grateful for the things that I have.
Maybe I know that I am not entitled to anything.
Let's do a little analysis here. I mean, really, to me, it's
simple. You get something. You say "thank you." Someone opens the
door for you; you say "thank you." Answers a question? Thank you.
When someone compliments you, you say "thank
you," so why wouldn't you say it when they are complimenting you with
their time and effort? But it seems like it's
not that simple to others.
TWO.WORDS. It is two words.
The cost of a "thank you"? Nothing. Literally...
nothing. It takes less than a two seconds to say. It takes slight movement from
your mouth, which, unless you've just come back from a grueling session at the
dentist, I'm sure you're using anyway. The only explanation I can find is that people feel entitled
to everything and grateful for nothing, and so we’ve seen the demise of pure
and simple manners.
I encourage you to count your blessings,
find joy in your days, acknowledge the kindnesses that others show you, acknowledge your fellow man. There
are so many studies out there that demonstrate the health benefits of gratitude and who couldn’t
use more of that? So if you aren’t practicing gratitude towards others for the
sake of just being a good person, at least do it for yourself.
Science-y, research-y, resource-y stuff
(In case you don't believe me when I tell you that it's good for you!)
Thanks!: How Practicing Gratitude Can Make You Happier (There’s even a book on it!)
7 Scientifically Proven Benefits of Gratitude (Psychology
Today)
31 Benefits of Gratitude (Happier Human)
I personally love #2 of this article. Gratitude makes people like us.
I recently approached an old coworker about her ingratitude and one of her responses was that she had been “pretty successful in navigating [her] professional life with this approach.” Successful? Maybe, but that doesn’t mean that people like working with her; this just means that people will tolerate her bad behavior.
So think about it… do people actually like spending time with you, working with you, or are they just putting up with you because they’d rather avoid conflict?
I recently approached an old coworker about her ingratitude and one of her responses was that she had been “pretty successful in navigating [her] professional life with this approach.” Successful? Maybe, but that doesn’t mean that people like working with her; this just means that people will tolerate her bad behavior.
So think about it… do people actually like spending time with you, working with you, or are they just putting up with you because they’d rather avoid conflict?
Exercises in gratitude
Here are some quick suggestions on limbering up those atrophied gratitude muscles!
Here are some quick suggestions on limbering up those atrophied gratitude muscles!
- Say "thank you"
- Pay attention to the reaction from the other person. Do they smile? Do they come out of their daze? Do they light up? As a bonus, thank them in front of others. Who doesn't like praise for a job well done? Who doesn't like to be appreciated? This is a pretty foolproof method.
- Compliment someone
- How does it make you feel to be complimented? Are you willing to spread that joy to another person? This person may be having a terrible day, but you've noticed something about them, you've helped to validate them, and show that you appreciate them. Branch out from the physical appearance compliments as well. If the person has wonderful penmanship, if they're an artist or a writer, or a great public speaker/presenter, if they have a quick analytical mind, these are all things that can be appreciated
- Reciprocate
- This can happen in any number of ways. We all have things to offer each other. Find yours. This person presumably did you a favor or a kindness with whatever tools were in their wheelhouse. Acknowledge your own strengths and offer them something from yours.
- It could be as simple as a "Thank you! I got the next one!" This sharing of burden can make all of the difference. This lets you both know that you aren't in this world alone and someone has your back.
What are some of your favorite ways to be thanked? What are some of your favorite ways to demonstrate thankfulness?
*Special thanks to the coworkers who didn't bat an eye when I asked
and took the time out of their day to answer my questions about how they
like to be appreciated.