Manners and Maps

Of course, they're polite. You're in the South.

Oh, you'll love it there! People are so nice! They say "please" and "thank you." And we all know how you feel about that. *smirk

-___-  Things people said to me when I landed a job in Texas.

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize that it was your place on the map that was keeping you from being a nice person. -__-

Call me naivë, but I didn't know that manners were limited to a geographical location. I am genuinely curious about this now. At which borders do people stop being nice to one another? Stop holding doors? Stop saying "please" and "thank you"? Acknowledging each other's strengths? Knowing that they don't diminish one's own? Is it the west Texas border? Does gratitude seep through to New Mexico? Go as far as Arizona? I must have missed that during geography class.

Or maybe I just don't think that there's an acceptable excuse for not saying "thank you" when someone does something for you. Maybe it's because I was raised to be grateful for the things that I have. Maybe I know that I am not entitled to anything.

Let's do a little analysis here. I mean, really, to me, it's simple. You get something. You say "thank you." Someone opens the door for you; you say "thank you." Answers a question? Thank you. When someone compliments you, you say "thank you," so why wouldn't you say it when they are complimenting you with their time and effort? But it seems like it's not that simple to others.

TWO.WORDS. It is two words.

The cost of a "thank you"? Nothing. Literally... nothing. It takes less than a two seconds to say. It takes slight movement from your mouth, which, unless you've just come back from a grueling session at the dentist, I'm sure you're using anyway. The only explanation I can find is that people feel entitled to everything and grateful for nothing, and so we’ve seen the demise of pure and simple manners.

I encourage you to count your blessings, find joy in your days, acknowledge the kindnesses that others show you, acknowledge your fellow man. There are so many studies out there that demonstrate the health benefits of gratitude and who couldn’t use more of that? So if you aren’t practicing gratitude towards others for the sake of just being a good person, at least do it for yourself. 

Science-y, research-y, resource-y stuff 
(In case you don't believe me when I tell you that it's good for you!)

Thanks!: How Practicing Gratitude Can Make You Happier (There’s even a book on it!)

7 Scientifically Proven Benefits of Gratitude (Psychology Today)

31 Benefits of Gratitude (Happier Human)

I personally love #2 of this article. Gratitude makes people like us.

I recently approached an old coworker about her ingratitude and one of her responses was that she had been “pretty successful in navigating [her] professional life with this approach.” Successful? Maybe, but that doesn’t mean that people like working with her; this just means that people will tolerate her bad behavior.

So think about it… do people actually like spending time with you, working with you, or are they just putting up with you because they’d rather avoid conflict?

Exercises in gratitude
Here are some quick suggestions on limbering up those atrophied gratitude muscles!

• Say "thank you"
• Pay attention to the reaction from the other person. Do they smile? Do they come out of their daze? Do they light up? As a bonus, thank them in front of others. Who doesn't like praise for a job well done? Who doesn't like to be appreciated? This is a pretty foolproof method.
• Compliment someone
• How does it make you feel to be complimented? Are you willing to spread that joy to another person? This person may be having a terrible day, but you've noticed something about them, you've helped to validate them, and show that you appreciate them. Branch out from the physical appearance compliments as well. If the person has wonderful penmanship, if they're an artist or a writer, or a great public speaker/presenter, if they have a quick analytical mind, these are all things that can be appreciated
• Reciprocate
• This can happen in any number of ways. We all have things to offer each other. Find yours. This person presumably did you a favor or a kindness with whatever tools were in their wheelhouse. Acknowledge your own strengths and offer them something from yours.
• It could be as simple as a "Thank you! I got the next one!" This sharing of burden can make all of the difference. This lets you both know that you aren't in this world alone and someone has your back.

There are a lot of other things you can do: gratitude journals, gratitude visits, writing notes, list-making, etc. Just try it. The only thing it can do is improve your life.

What are some of your favorite ways to be thanked? What are some of your favorite ways to demonstrate thankfulness?

*Special thanks to the coworkers who didn't bat an eye when I asked and took the time out of their day to answer my questions about how they like to be appreciated.

Standards

Let's talk about standards, baby. (Not as exciting as sex, I know, but this ain't that kind of blog - or is it? Time will tell.)

My personal outlook on life is that there is always room for improvement. To assume otherwise would suggest that, in this mortal life, I have somehow achieved perfection - and if there is anything you are taking from this blog, I hope it is the understanding that humans are anything but perfect. My standard - for me, for you, for everyone - is constant improvement.

That being said, I would not suggest that holding yourself to this standard is easy, because believe me - it takes WORK, and I often fall short of the mark. Hence the "improvement" standard. But I would also argue that perhaps not everything needs to be bettered. I personally strive to be curious, open-minded, and honest. I attempt to be a good daughter, a good friend, a good employee, and a good citizen of the world. I try to listen well, give freely of my time, and contribute to a cause that is bigger than me.

But I am not curious about open-heart surgery, nor do I have any interest in practicing medicine, because I know I would be TERRIBLE at it. I am surely not going to invent any great new technology - I can barely keep up with the times as is and could not, with any honesty, tell you what an Apple watch is, or why people would use a FitBit. And if you want to know what's on TV, I am the last person you're going to want to ask because frankly, I don't really care.

Those are other people's lines of interest. And here's the beauty of this world - it is populated by 7.3 billion people and counting. It is so very okay if person A's interests don't overlap with person B's, because chances are, person C has commonalties with both A and B.

To thine own self be true. Know yourself - your limits, and where they can be improved. Your strengths, and how they can benefit others. Your interests, your disinterests. When you know yourself, you will contribute more to your relationships, to your personal life, and to the world.

There are standards. And then there are impossibilities. Don't ask the impossible of yourself.

(Unless you're a murderer/sadist/rapist/bigot/bad person. Don't be that guy!)