Sirens mean you should MOVE

Living in Southern California has had this curious effect of both desensitizing me to bad driving transgressions and angering me to the extreme. The past few days, I've been driving slowly and not paying much mind to the drivers scooting around me, letting people over in bad traffic, and cursing far less than I was last week. Weather likely plays a part in my mood, as does the presence of a passenger; if someone else could possibly be harmed while in my car, I am FAR LESS forgiving of bad driving.

One thing that I'll absolutely never understand, however, are drivers who don't move aside for ambulances and fire trucks.

Do these drivers who don't move out of the way not understand that the ambulance blaring its sirens and honking its horn are rushing to aid a person who could very well be dying? That the fire truck screaming behind them could be heading to cut off a blaze that could easily engulf an entire canyon in our constantly arid conditions?

I may possibly be a little sensitive, having been the passenger in an ambulance thrice (twice within the last year alone). Waiting for that ride to show up has been extraordinarily frightening, for me and for the people who care about me; I can assure you that each second spent waiting was fraught with concern and anxiety. Any steps that can be taken to limit that waiting period - take them.

GET THE HELL OUT OF THE WAY.

Guest Post: A Paragon of Personing

Introducing Guest Post Monday! We hope to have contributors write guest posts on a semi-regular basis, and to kick things off, today's post is from friend of the blog and dapper gentleman extraordinaire Taylor Christensen!

---

Today I'd like to talk about my friend Dan [not their actual name]. Dan kicks ass at being a person, and we can all learn from their example. In particular, gift giving/recognition of assistance.

Semi-recently, I helped Dan out a bit. I was leaving my place of employ, and I knew they'd need someone to replace me, and I knew Dan wasn't happy in their current job, so I suggested Dan and acted as a reference. It was basically no work for me, and I was happy to know that I was helping out my old boss and coworkers, which would help me when I needed my own references later on, and I was glad to help out Dan, who was in a distressingly bad job. Basically, it was its own reward.

Dan ended up getting the job, which wasn't surprising, as they were really well qualified for it. I actually felt a little bad, because I was personally unhappy in the role, but it was definitely a better gig than the one Dan left.

This is all a prelude to the main personing that happened. Dan hadn't even started the job when they sent me a note informing me that a gift was on its way to me as a thank-you for the referral. Again, this was a referral that I felt didn't require a lot of effort. Sneakily, they didn't mention their plans beforehand, as they knew I would have (rightly, to my mind) refused any gift.

I was expecting something small, like a model kit or something, like they'd given me for my birthday (which is a different post). But no, Dan decided to send me a massive LEGO Star Wars set. Here's a picture of the box, with a mini-fig for scale.

There are so many levels of excellent personing here. First, the very act. Second, the scale. This is a massive set, and if you follow LEGO at all, you know these are not cheap sets. Third, the choice of item itself. I don't know if Dan knew this, but Boba Fett (this set depictsSlave I, Boba Fett's infamous ship) is one of my most favorite Star Wars characters, and Star Wars itself is, well, to call it important to me is an understatement. Dan did know about my love of Star Wars.

I could actually do an entire series about the excellence that is Dan. Perhaps I will. I am that excited about this LEGO set.

So, much like we may aspire to be like Superman in goodness and justice, let us aspire to be like Dan in gift-giving and thoughtfulness.

Standards

Let's talk about standards, baby. (Not as exciting as sex, I know, but this ain't that kind of blog - or is it? Time will tell.)

My personal outlook on life is that there is always room for improvement. To assume otherwise would suggest that, in this mortal life, I have somehow achieved perfection - and if there is anything you are taking from this blog, I hope it is the understanding that humans are anything but perfect. My standard - for me, for you, for everyone - is constant improvement.

That being said, I would not suggest that holding yourself to this standard is easy, because believe me - it takes WORK, and I often fall short of the mark. Hence the "improvement" standard. But I would also argue that perhaps not everything needs to be bettered. I personally strive to be curious, open-minded, and honest. I attempt to be a good daughter, a good friend, a good employee, and a good citizen of the world. I try to listen well, give freely of my time, and contribute to a cause that is bigger than me.

But I am not curious about open-heart surgery, nor do I have any interest in practicing medicine, because I know I would be TERRIBLE at it. I am surely not going to invent any great new technology - I can barely keep up with the times as is and could not, with any honesty, tell you what an Apple watch is, or why people would use a FitBit. And if you want to know what's on TV, I am the last person you're going to want to ask because frankly, I don't really care.

Those are other people's lines of interest. And here's the beauty of this world - it is populated by 7.3 billion people and counting. It is so very okay if person A's interests don't overlap with person B's, because chances are, person C has commonalties with both A and B.

To thine own self be true. Know yourself - your limits, and where they can be improved. Your strengths, and how they can benefit others. Your interests, your disinterests. When you know yourself, you will contribute more to your relationships, to your personal life, and to the world.

There are standards. And then there are impossibilities. Don't ask the impossible of yourself.

(Unless you're a murderer/sadist/rapist/bigot/bad person. Don't be that guy!)

Inspiration

This is not a cop out, I swear. I've been looking for inspiration lately. I've been trying to re-center myself, re-evaluate the choices I make, the options I have, my words, and actions, and re-assert the person I'd like to be. 

I would like to share two beautiful pieces with you.

The Paradoxical Commandments ~ Kent Keith

(often attributed to Mother Theresa)

People are often unreasonable and self-centered. 
Forgive them anyway. 
If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. 
Be kind anyway. 
If you are honest, people may cheat you. 
Be honest anyway. 
If you find happiness, people may be jealous. 
Be happy anyway. 
The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. 
Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough.
Give your best anyway.
For, you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.

Desiderata ~Max Ehrmann

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be.

And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

On blame

I've been interviewing students the past two days, and one of my coworkers sat in to provide feedback. This coworker (M) and I have never really seen eye-to-eye, but I never butted heads with her, either. However, after our third and final interview this morning, she casually mentioned that she has been having problems with one of our current students (A). M explained that another one of our coworkers (Y) has been "talking and talking and talking" with A, keeping A from doing work. She blamed A for being "too sweet" to put her foot down, and she blamed Y for monopolizing A's time with conversation.

Here's the thing: our student assistants assist EVERYONE in both business offices. Not just me, not just M - EVERYONE. And Y will very frequently have a task that requires student assistance, tasks that require explanations and conversations. Here's another thing: not a single soul, aside from M, has ever complained about any of our students. In fact, I get compliments and rave reviews on a regular basis; everyone else who has interacted with our students praise their diligence and hard work. And I've certainly never heard any complaints about our students being "too sweet".

This isn't really a tip or a guide to interacting with other people. It's more of a question, honestly. I personally think M is too heavy-handed when it comes to our student assistants; I think she's taken on a role that her position was never intended to take. And while I cannot commend her enough for wanting to take on added responsibility, I am extremely protective of my students and my coworkers, and I cannot stand undue criticism. So what is the solution? Do I tell M to stuff it? Do I tell Y and A to stop conversing regularly? Do I train our students to put their heads down and work in silence?

My answer to the last question is a resounding "NO", of course. But I don't know how to tell M to lighten up, either. If you, the reader, have any ideas, please share.

Contributions aren’t just for tax season

I have unexpectedly found myself in the role of event/outing organizer, and after years of sitting in the increasingly hot water, it has now reached a boiling point. Luckily (or unluckily), I’ve noticed, unlike the proverbial frog.

If you know me, I’ve never considered myself the life of the party. I’ve never considered myself someone to whom others would look as far as social ideas, events, new things to try, or anything of that sort. I’ve never considered myself “in the know” on things to do. That’s all way too hip for me. And I’m not hip, I’m not “in,” I’m not cool, and I’m not a planner. BUT surprise! Here I’ve been for the last several years, finding tickets to this or that, picking out museums, hikes, trips, hearing about deals, and saying “hey, let’s go shooting,” or “hey, there’s this nice park over here.” Things haven’t really been boring. There’s always something new to try and there are always the old stand bys, too. Don’t get me wrong, I’m incredibly grateful that I have people in my life willing to do these things with me, but I am so tired, really tired of finding them. I miss being introduced to new things and being exposed to things that maybe I wouldn’t have looked into otherwise. I feel like my own personal development hasn’t progressed as much as it could have, while others have found new things that they like due to my suggestions. I feel like I should feel proud of my contribution, but instead, I just feel tired and stagnant.

I think one of the reasons I enjoyed a recent trip to Texas so much was that I didn’t have to plan anything once I met up with my friend. No, it wasn’t always what I wanted to do; there were places that I’d rather not have gone to, but it was so nice and so relaxing to not be the one suggesting things. I know that it definitely played a huge role in coming back as refreshed as I did. The impact was so powerful and unexpected.

Now, I’m in a fix. I don’t want to suggest anything. I don’t care that much anymore, except that I do. If I stop though, then something must be wrong. If I do things on my own, then why didn’t I invite others. There’s not really a good way to win.

In terms of being a person, my challenge to you is to create a balance in your relationships and friendships, to give as much as you get, to find new things that the other person would like, to give credit where credit is due if a friend has introduced you to a new hobby or place, and to have partnerships. ♫ Take the wheel and drive sometimes. ♫ 

As with all of the topics discussed here, I hate that this is something that needs to be pointed out. I feel like it should go without saying, and it almost discredits any improvement because it had to be mentioned. But progress is progress. I know that part of my own issue is letting go of the reins (another topic that I hope to discuss in the future).

  

*I’d like to tie in this post to an upcoming post about taking credit. I have a maybe irrationally frustrated reaction to those who trumpet their interests in things that I’ve introduced them to. I make a point to give credit where credit is due, and I get almost hurt when that same credit isn’t given to me. I always say “Oh yeah! I love _________. I’m so grateful that so-and-so got me into it!” instead of “oh yeah, I love ____________ (even though I’d never tried it until so-and-so.) I sound so much cooler if I say I like this thing. Man, I’m awesome.” Or with work things. All to be expounded upon in later posts!

Professionalism and emotions

My boss is an incredible person. She is a great supervisor, providing excellent advice and suggestions, and always willing to share her (vast) knowledge and expertise. I have a tremendous amount of respect for her, and I actually like her a lot as well. (You don't always like the people you respect, do you?)

Humans are flawed creatures, however. The Greeks had a word, hamartia, for this idea that all people - heroes and villains alike - have a fatal flaw. I'd consider mine to be pride and sloth, and a number of my family members suffer from rage. These flaws are not, in and of themselves, inherently dangerous, but we must take care to be aware of our flaws and mitigate them as best as possible, or risk living an incomplete life.

My boss' flaw is that she cannot remove her emotions from her actions. She is completely aware of this, and for the most part, it isn't much of an issue. Recently, however, this behavior has manifested in a way I personally do not believe is professional, to point of frustrating several people in the office.

One of my coworkers, who has been with our department for only seven months, is departing for a higher level position with potential for growth. No one is particularly glad to see her go - we all very much enjoy working with her, on a professional and personal level - but most of us are pleased that she has found this opportunity and wish her well. My boss, on the other hand, reacted by not promising her a good reference and essentially saying to her, "I am not happy for you." To someone as young and thin-skinned as my coworker, that was extremely hurtful. And to me, it was also extremely unprofessional.

My boss was aggravated to be losing a valuable employee, and that aggravation was compounded by worry, as we happen to be losing another person at the same exact time. Her worries are completely understandable and rational - we will, very suddenly, be very short-staffed. But I wish she had not let her aggravation and worries influence to such a degree the way she reacted to my coworker's news. I wish she had been able to wish her the best, if she could not wish her well. My coworker's intentions were never to cause harm or grief; she is simply taking the next step to further her professional life, an admirable and natural progression. And it is natural for us to regret that she'll be leaving our department, but I personally am happy and excited on her behalf. She is pursuing new challenges and experiences, and I wish we could all support and encourage her in this endeavor.