Through thick and thin

I believe everyone will agree that when someone utters the phrase "through thick and thin", that person means they will be there for another person when times are good and when times are bad. I also believe that most people would argue that it is more important to trust that your friends, family, and colleagues will be by your side through the difficulties - the end of a relationship, ill health, life crises, etc.

I don't disagree with this argument. I've been through enough ups and downs, in my life and in the lives of my friends, to understand at a soul-deep level that sometimes, it is only because you have the strength of your loved ones to lean on that you are able at all to get through the trials that are thrown your way. But I would argue that it is just as important to have this network of strength supporting you through your moments of incredible joy - the beginning of a relationship, a new career opportunity, the birth of a child, etc.

The column Science of Us published an article on "capitalization", a term they describe as "the process of telling others about our successes and getting a positive reaction". The article explains the effect of capitalization on romantic relationships - more intimacy, well-being, stability - but I believe this is important in all relationships that people care to nurture. When a person runs to their friends to tell them about an amazing first date, does that person want to be greeted with a shrug and lukewarm "great", or do they want their friends to jump up and down and exchange enthusiastic high fives, and be enthusiastic? When a family member tells you they're expecting a child, do you react with cool sensibility or warmth and excitement? When a colleague accepts a promotion, do you tear down their new department and huff because you'll be left short-staffed, or do you send them off with good luck and best wishes?

My hope is to give positive support as freely and willingly as I lend strength when life gets thin. And I know I have much room for growth when it comes to providing support in either direction. It's something I am aware of every single day, how much I have to improve. But my ultimate goal is to be the friend, family member, and colleague that people will run to, with good and/or bad news, because they are secure in the knowledge that I will be there for them, through thick and thin.

Plane and simple behaviours

*Before I get knocked for using the incorrect "plane," it was intentional. Pun intended!

My apologies for the two week break I’ve taken from writing on this blog! Between injury and travelling, I’ve been out of the loop, but I’m back!

Today’s topic:

We’re going to go with how to behave on a plane.

We’ve all been there. We’ve all experienced that person who takes the middle seat right next to you, when there are entirely empty rows, and who slumps over on you halfway through the flight, open-mouthed, drooling on your shoulder. Or the person who coughs violently, spewing their germs across the row and into the ventilation system to just bombard you over and over again…because once wasn’t enough. Or the parents who think that it’s absolutely adorable that their children are climbing over the seats, throwing things, and kicking seats, while smelling of pee, poop, and vomit…not unlike the person who makes walking down the plane aisle their version of a walk of shame. You’re pretty sure that if they just wrung out their hair, they’d have enough alcohol from last night’s party to fill up their complimentary drink cup. And of course, there's the over-sharer, who is usually talking so loudly that they don't even need to be right by you in order for you to hear their life's story. 

So my plea here is... just don't be that person. And don't let your friends be that person. Or your kids, if/when you have them. Be aware that there are one hundred or more people on the plane with you. Form alliances with like-minded passengers so that you can strategically guard your space from those middle-seat-even-though-the-plane-is-half-empty takers. Or so that when that little kid hauls off and kicks your seat like it's a soccer ball and he or she is going for a game-winning goal, you won't be alone in the struggle. And hopefully, you can ally yourself with someone who can offer Patient Zero of the Ebola virus a tissue while you're getting out your hand sanitizer to douse them with.

Make friends, if you want to, but don't infiltrate someone's time and space. Just because you're trapped in a flying can with them does not mean that you are instantly best friends. You do not know what another person may be going through. They may be flying home to be at the bedside of sick parent. They may be flying away from an abusive relationship. They could be facing any number of things, and it is rude to assume that they NEED, nay...MUST hear about the drunken night and the bad-idea-tattoos you got in Vegas the night before or how you have 8 children ranging from 4 to 40 and how you're on wife #5. *true things I've been told on a plane...

I'm not sure if the plane issue has gotten worse or if my patience level has dropped, but I feel like society as a whole is just so self-absorbed and so caught up in their own lives and issues, that they don't even realize what they are doing. And I'm not sure if that's better or worse. Is it worse to know that you're doing these things but just not care or is it worse to be so oblivious to everyone and everything else around you that you don't even notice? A topic for another time, perhaps... 

Sirens mean you should MOVE

Living in Southern California has had this curious effect of both desensitizing me to bad driving transgressions and angering me to the extreme. The past few days, I've been driving slowly and not paying much mind to the drivers scooting around me, letting people over in bad traffic, and cursing far less than I was last week. Weather likely plays a part in my mood, as does the presence of a passenger; if someone else could possibly be harmed while in my car, I am FAR LESS forgiving of bad driving.

One thing that I'll absolutely never understand, however, are drivers who don't move aside for ambulances and fire trucks.

Do these drivers who don't move out of the way not understand that the ambulance blaring its sirens and honking its horn are rushing to aid a person who could very well be dying? That the fire truck screaming behind them could be heading to cut off a blaze that could easily engulf an entire canyon in our constantly arid conditions?

I may possibly be a little sensitive, having been the passenger in an ambulance thrice (twice within the last year alone). Waiting for that ride to show up has been extraordinarily frightening, for me and for the people who care about me; I can assure you that each second spent waiting was fraught with concern and anxiety. Any steps that can be taken to limit that waiting period - take them.

GET THE HELL OUT OF THE WAY.

Guest Post: A Paragon of Personing

Introducing Guest Post Monday! We hope to have contributors write guest posts on a semi-regular basis, and to kick things off, today's post is from friend of the blog and dapper gentleman extraordinaire Taylor Christensen!

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Today I'd like to talk about my friend Dan [not their actual name]. Dan kicks ass at being a person, and we can all learn from their example. In particular, gift giving/recognition of assistance.

Semi-recently, I helped Dan out a bit. I was leaving my place of employ, and I knew they'd need someone to replace me, and I knew Dan wasn't happy in their current job, so I suggested Dan and acted as a reference. It was basically no work for me, and I was happy to know that I was helping out my old boss and coworkers, which would help me when I needed my own references later on, and I was glad to help out Dan, who was in a distressingly bad job. Basically, it was its own reward.

Dan ended up getting the job, which wasn't surprising, as they were really well qualified for it. I actually felt a little bad, because I was personally unhappy in the role, but it was definitely a better gig than the one Dan left.

This is all a prelude to the main personing that happened. Dan hadn't even started the job when they sent me a note informing me that a gift was on its way to me as a thank-you for the referral. Again, this was a referral that I felt didn't require a lot of effort. Sneakily, they didn't mention their plans beforehand, as they knew I would have (rightly, to my mind) refused any gift.

I was expecting something small, like a model kit or something, like they'd given me for my birthday (which is a different post). But no, Dan decided to send me a massive LEGO Star Wars set. Here's a picture of the box, with a mini-fig for scale.

There are so many levels of excellent personing here. First, the very act. Second, the scale. This is a massive set, and if you follow LEGO at all, you know these are not cheap sets. Third, the choice of item itself. I don't know if Dan knew this, but Boba Fett (this set depictsSlave I, Boba Fett's infamous ship) is one of my most favorite Star Wars characters, and Star Wars itself is, well, to call it important to me is an understatement. Dan did know about my love of Star Wars.

I could actually do an entire series about the excellence that is Dan. Perhaps I will. I am that excited about this LEGO set.

So, much like we may aspire to be like Superman in goodness and justice, let us aspire to be like Dan in gift-giving and thoughtfulness.

Standards

Let's talk about standards, baby. (Not as exciting as sex, I know, but this ain't that kind of blog - or is it? Time will tell.)

My personal outlook on life is that there is always room for improvement. To assume otherwise would suggest that, in this mortal life, I have somehow achieved perfection - and if there is anything you are taking from this blog, I hope it is the understanding that humans are anything but perfect. My standard - for me, for you, for everyone - is constant improvement.

That being said, I would not suggest that holding yourself to this standard is easy, because believe me - it takes WORK, and I often fall short of the mark. Hence the "improvement" standard. But I would also argue that perhaps not everything needs to be bettered. I personally strive to be curious, open-minded, and honest. I attempt to be a good daughter, a good friend, a good employee, and a good citizen of the world. I try to listen well, give freely of my time, and contribute to a cause that is bigger than me.

But I am not curious about open-heart surgery, nor do I have any interest in practicing medicine, because I know I would be TERRIBLE at it. I am surely not going to invent any great new technology - I can barely keep up with the times as is and could not, with any honesty, tell you what an Apple watch is, or why people would use a FitBit. And if you want to know what's on TV, I am the last person you're going to want to ask because frankly, I don't really care.

Those are other people's lines of interest. And here's the beauty of this world - it is populated by 7.3 billion people and counting. It is so very okay if person A's interests don't overlap with person B's, because chances are, person C has commonalties with both A and B.

To thine own self be true. Know yourself - your limits, and where they can be improved. Your strengths, and how they can benefit others. Your interests, your disinterests. When you know yourself, you will contribute more to your relationships, to your personal life, and to the world.

There are standards. And then there are impossibilities. Don't ask the impossible of yourself.

(Unless you're a murderer/sadist/rapist/bigot/bad person. Don't be that guy!)

Inspiration

This is not a cop out, I swear. I've been looking for inspiration lately. I've been trying to re-center myself, re-evaluate the choices I make, the options I have, my words, and actions, and re-assert the person I'd like to be. 

I would like to share two beautiful pieces with you.

The Paradoxical Commandments ~ Kent Keith

(often attributed to Mother Theresa)

People are often unreasonable and self-centered. 
Forgive them anyway. 
If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. 
Be kind anyway. 
If you are honest, people may cheat you. 
Be honest anyway. 
If you find happiness, people may be jealous. 
Be happy anyway. 
The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. 
Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough.
Give your best anyway.
For, you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.

Desiderata ~Max Ehrmann

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be.

And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

On blame

I've been interviewing students the past two days, and one of my coworkers sat in to provide feedback. This coworker (M) and I have never really seen eye-to-eye, but I never butted heads with her, either. However, after our third and final interview this morning, she casually mentioned that she has been having problems with one of our current students (A). M explained that another one of our coworkers (Y) has been "talking and talking and talking" with A, keeping A from doing work. She blamed A for being "too sweet" to put her foot down, and she blamed Y for monopolizing A's time with conversation.

Here's the thing: our student assistants assist EVERYONE in both business offices. Not just me, not just M - EVERYONE. And Y will very frequently have a task that requires student assistance, tasks that require explanations and conversations. Here's another thing: not a single soul, aside from M, has ever complained about any of our students. In fact, I get compliments and rave reviews on a regular basis; everyone else who has interacted with our students praise their diligence and hard work. And I've certainly never heard any complaints about our students being "too sweet".

This isn't really a tip or a guide to interacting with other people. It's more of a question, honestly. I personally think M is too heavy-handed when it comes to our student assistants; I think she's taken on a role that her position was never intended to take. And while I cannot commend her enough for wanting to take on added responsibility, I am extremely protective of my students and my coworkers, and I cannot stand undue criticism. So what is the solution? Do I tell M to stuff it? Do I tell Y and A to stop conversing regularly? Do I train our students to put their heads down and work in silence?

My answer to the last question is a resounding "NO", of course. But I don't know how to tell M to lighten up, either. If you, the reader, have any ideas, please share.