How to Make Conversation:

Ingredients:

Two or more people

A topic

Time: Ranging from 5 minutes to hours

Skill level: Easy

Combine ingredients. Let marinate. Sprinkle in humor, tears, truth, depth, and any other seasonings to taste. Let simmer until finished.

It is not a soufflé. It is boiling an egg. It really is that easy, and yet, most people no longer seem to be interested in making conversation or are just plain incapable of such.

The key ingredient often missed or underused is the other person. A conversation is meant to be an equal, mutual exchange of ideas, thoughts, and feelings on any given topic. Conversations are organic. They grow and develop based on the involvement of all parties. That is the beauty of them.

I can’t tell you how many conversations I’ve had wherein we’ve started out talking about something like puppies and end up talking about the existence of God. The pure beauty of a shared experience. A conversation is not about just giving, giving your opinion, giving your two cents. It’s about being able to receive, knowing that whomever you’re talking to also has something to offer.

More and more often, I find myself in the midst of listening to a monologue instead of being involved in a dialogue. In our increasingly narcissistic society, the monologuers are taking over. The over-abundance of self love includes the love of one's own voice and opinions, so much so that the voice of any other is silenced. 

 

We’re being overrun by energy vampires and conversation monopolizers. And it is happening so subtly that many of us can't fight against it. The proverbial frog in boiling water.

 

This is not to say that we aren't all capable of being self-centered conversationalists at some point or another. I know that I have been this person, but I'm not proud of those moments and I strive to make sure that they are few and far between.

Here are some basic guidelines for a conversation:

• Commit your time and your attention.
• Make eye contact.
• ASK questions.
• Be engaged and engaging.
• Listen more than you talk.
• Don't interrupt (and if you do, always go back to the other person's point).
• Remember that you are not the only one in the conversation.
• Don't think that you're the only one who has something to offer.

One of my very worst pet peeves is someone who does not ask a single question. I am not an interviewer. I am not getting paid to find out about you and only you. If you want to have a conversation with me, then have a conversation WITH me…not at me. I have something to offer, too.

If this is your style of communication (to not ask questions and to just talk), please be aware that you are underappreciating another person’s experiences and opinions by assuming that yours are the only ones that matter. Please be aware that you are walking away the poorer of the two. If you think that your own tapestry is so important and so valuable, imagine what it could be like if you added in the colors and patterns of another person. Think about how it might change your story and change the way you look at the world. Think about how rich you could become by adding someone else’s treasures to yours.

 

So be better. Do better. Care. Give. Receive. Engage. Listen. You might just be surprised by what you find out. It might just change how you see the world. This is life. This is the one chance that we’ll get (that we’re aware of). Why not learn as much as you can about experiences beyond your own?

♫ It takes two. I thought one was enough. That’s not true. It takes two of us. ♫