Online dating: Your first message

Sup

…

Well. That felt a little lackluster, didn’t it? Yet so many people I’ve encountered while traversing that minefield known as “online dating” seem to believe it is a perfectly acceptable opening line when writing to a prospective date for the first time. (Variations include: hi, what’s up, and hey.)

In theory, online dating should be EASY. You have a person’s photograph accompanied by large chunks of text detailing what they like to do/watch/eat/read (and there is a special place in hell reserved for people who don’t fill out their profiles). Yet the majority of the messages I receive consist of one to three words. Many aren’t even questions. “How are you?” is still a crappy first message, but it’s infinitely preferable to “yo”.

Some ideas on writing a good first message:

1. Reference a common interest. Perhaps you both enjoy a certain TV show. Ask the person you’re messaging what they thought about the season finale (“Who IS Quinn Perkins?” “Was the ending of HIMYM a giant cop-out?”). Or maybe they’ve listed one of your favorite singers. Suggest someone you think they’d like as well. (“I see you like Stoney LaRue. He’s one of my favorites as well! Have you heard anything by Jason Boland? If you like Stoney, I bet you’d like him, too.”)
2. Compliment their taste in sports teams, food, books - ANYTHING but their looks! (“I see you’re a Dodgers fan - nice! What do you think about the Matt Kemp trade?”)
3. If you must mention a photo, try commenting on an activity within the photo. (“You went to the Eric Church concert? I’m so jealous! How is he live?”)

The key thing here is - pay attention to the profile, and show you’ve actually read it before you message a person. (Unless you’re on Tinder, in which case - good luck!)

Find more tips on how to converse with people here.