The Sometimes Gentleman

"I always open doors."
"I always let her order first."
"I'm such a gentleman."
I always. I always. I'm such a good guy. Look at me. Being a good person. Look at what I'm telling you. Don't look at what you see. Blah blah blah.

Lip service. That's all it is. 

They are not manners if they do not carry through every aspect of one's life. They are not manners if they are not one's "customary mode of acting or habitual behaviour," as defined in the Oxford English dictionary. They are not manners if one is only a gentleman as a means to an end. 

*I use the word "gentleman," but this applies to men and women, alike. 

Be who you say you are. Act like you should. Because people WILL see through you, when you do not treat everyone with equal and welcoming kindness. And when that happens, you will come off as an even bigger jerk than you probably are. You will be seen as manipulative and fake, and I will have a hard time trusting you. What you get out of a situation (praise, sex, etc) should not dictate your actions towards it. Be always kind. Be always good. Be always humble. Be the very best version of yourself that you can be. Make it who you truly are. 

I understand bad days. I get that it's not always easy to be kind or good, and that, with some people, it's dang near impossible to be kind or good towards them The distinction I'd like to make here, though, centers around the people who say one thing, trumpet themselves as good, but who are only good when it works to their advantage. 

"If I open the door for this girl, if I do this nice thing for this person, they'll think that I'm a nice person." How about just BEING a nice person and not thinking about what you'll get out of it? How about being good for the sake of being good? How about thinking about what the other person will get out of the experience rather than focusing on what you might get?

We all hold certain opinions of ourselves. Sometimes, they are flattering. Sometimes, they aren't. I know that I personally struggle with the balance between good and bad, but I would always want to err on the side of someone thinking that I'm better than I think myself to be. And I would rather let my actions and how I treat others speak for themselves. Deliberate kindness out of the desire to reach a goal? That's not kindness at all. That's self-serving and manipulative. 

Manners should be a part of who you are, not an act that you put on depending on the audience. 

So please, find that part. Nourish it and let it grow inside of you until it takes you over. It can be so fulfilling. And I think that's something we all need. 


Let someone else praise you, not your own mouth; a stranger, and not your own lips.
Proverbs 27:2